We Are Not Inadequate

At the end of each training session, a different person "closes us out". This is basically to practice how we would close out a class of our own. It also usually incorporates a quote to emphasize the theme we potentially weaved throughout our class. It's astounded me how freakishly relevant a lot of the quotes are to my life and what I've been realizing throughout the training process. Last Saturday, Kathleen closed with this quote by Marianne Williamson-- 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." 

What I didn't realize is how often we down play our goodness in order to fit in versus stand out. People don't like feeling inadequate around other people, therefore people tend to shrink in order to make others feel big. But what if we all lived, existing in our highest potential. WHY would we NOT? We are not doing anybody a favor by downplaying what we've been blessed with. We are not doing ourselves a favor by surrounding ourselves with people that don't illuminate and emphasize our greatness.

For me this plays out in so many ways. I am mortified when I am on the cusp of something amazing. As I'm learning more and more about teaching yoga and as I'm growing in knowledge- my thoughts are working against me. I worry that I won't be able to reach a group of people that will want to be taught by me. I worry I'll mess up. I worry I'm not confident enough or friendly enough or fit enough... but why? It's because I am more than capable and my potential is so great that it's frightening. It's our minds tendency to second guess ourselves and be afraid when we move into unknown territory, which naturally feels extremely vulnerable.  

It's the same within the physical practice (which is always the case). When I head into more difficult classes where I know inversions will be an option or where holding a position is longer or more difficult, I'll pull out. Being in core demanding positions, for example, are very difficult. My body shakes because it is changing. It's becoming stronger. This is usually the point when people (including myself) stop trying. This is the vital point we need to push past. This is because our bodies are always capable, which is not a commonly accepted belief. Our mind determines our relationship with our bodies. And to ACCEPT that are bodies are limitless, that WE are limitless humans is absolutely frightening. This is because once we truly accept this premise we won't settle for less; we are sent on a mental adventure of fulfillment. We want to be our best. And we will be our best once we will tell ourselves that we are.

Om

We've reached the second week in our training series and after consistent journaling, I've finally made the revelation that this experience wouldn't be complete without a blog devoted to the soul searching endeavor I've been going through. While I'm required to record after each yoga class and training session I take through this process, I'm going to use this blog as a more reflective outlet to share with you all due to the fact that this process has turned into somewhat of a clusterfuck of epiphanies.

When I began doing yoga religiously, about a year and a half ago, it was evident right away that the benefits of yoga were endless (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc) but it wasn't until teacher training that I really began to infuse and understand these benefits both on and off of my mat. 

Since we're somewhat behind in my travels, I'm going to backtrack a ways to when these blunt revelations first latched on and began to shake my world.

I was reading our required text, Journey Into Power By Baron Baptiste, for the first time when the First Principle sent a bullet hole soaring through my comfortably numb heart. The First Principle titled "We Are Either Now Here or Nowhere" was my first real epiphany. It explained that memories can be fantastical and wonderful or painful and limiting but, "The past and the future are not places. They are, essentially, nowhere. So you see you are either now here or you are nowhere" -- speaking to the theme of BEING PRESENT, which I realized is my biggest downfall as far as being a light and service to others and myself. Our minds are animals, there is no denying or changing that fact. We were born into a fast passed world with endless influences and our neurons will keep firing like the little firecracker crackhead baby western generation we were born into, UNLESS we BREATHE. 

Here is what I realized- my mind spins on a circular axle of obsession given circumstance. One thing will dictate my behavior. For instance- it's sunny outside, therefore I will be happy all day. On the contrary- someone's actions deeply hurt me in a situation, therefore I will be miserable, distant, and indirectly aggressive towards everyone in my life due to one instance of misfortune that may have occurred the previous day, the previous month, or even 10 years ago. But what I didn't realize was that these feelings are no longer relevant to day I am existing in. Really think about that. Is how you feel in each instance of your life relevant to the exact moment? If not, there's an in-balance between your expressed thoughts, the thoughts you harbor, and your behaviors. Therefore, your life is OUT OF WACK and you are restricted from living to your full potential. This is what I have been living with my entire life and realizing that was utterly heartbreaking- I'm talking about a lot of tears (me being hard on myself) mourning time I had wasted holding things in when I could've set them down to be free. But, since making this first and potentially most important revelation, I've began to feel lighter in every sense possible. And to think making this change was as easy as BREATHING through the entirety of my body to bring awareness to where I stand in the moment...